I have been sick for the last week or so – I’m a tired, tired cake with a bitter-and-stressed-glaze – and it has been hell. I feel like I was pulled apart and put back together just to be pulled apart again. It was rough. It is rough. July has been and continues to be the month that keeps on sucker-punching me in the stomach. Which is unfortunate considering that I have so much stuff to do at the moment. So much important and relevant „stuff“ (for lack of a better word and/or a short description of all those things).
Blog related that means: I’m slacking off in the department of finishing my month long movie marathon. („31 Days Of Watching Movies in July“). Heavy Sigh. That makes me sad.
Life related that means: instead of writing, reading, watching, learning – I’m doing: sleep (failing at that), eat (A++ in eating unhealthy food), not furthering my own growth. Heavy sigh. That makes me sad, too.
I try to tell myself that „It’s okay“ and that „everybody has those times“ and that’s obviously true but I still can’t seem to grasp that concept and fully immerse my mind with that kind of positive mindset. Which, again, is unfortunate. Why is that? Why is that so hard for me to properly process and accept that as a fact rather than something I tell myself to make myself feel better? And why can’t it be both? (Spoiler alert: It can.)
Fear of failure is probably the #1 angsty thought thats stuck in my head. I’m a perfectionist so most of the times if I’m not 1000000% sure that I’m going to wreck (in the positive „I flipping nailed that“ way) a task I rather don’t do it at all (or even try). That’s wrong for so many reasons. I get that, I do. First, it hinders my personal growth because every mistake makes me learn something (and prevents me from doing it the wrong way again after an – let’s say *cough* – embarrassment). Second, if I keep thinking that way it’s also going to hinder my professional growth. That mindset is going to limit my possibilities. So I’m trying to get rid of that.
The question that’s now probably maybe perhaps wandering through your head is: how????? The simple answer is: I don’t know. The complex and complicated one is: I still don’t know but I have a few ideas on where to start.
- the „be brave first, second-guess later“ method
- the „you just need a minute of bravery“ method
- the „the worst that could happen is that it’s not going to work“ method
- the „at least you tried (I’m so proud of you)“ method
- the „what you give is that you get“ mindset
- the „if you fail, fail better next time“ mindset
- the „people understand“ mindset
There are lots of methods and mindsets that help you – me – deal with that kind of pressure and negativity. The most important thing with that is probably to not forget that „whatever works for you, works for you“ (although it might not for someone else). I’m going to keep struggling with that but I’m also going to keep trying to not let that get to me.